Patio Bodypainting

Please Decorate Responsibly

Tonight, while you're out ringing in the new year, please be considerate of your fellow cake lovers.

Please, don't drink and decorate.

Don't let this happen to someone you love:

(Lest you incur a pox on your crudely drawn wine glasses!)

Thanks to Jan F., who plans to confiscate everyone's piping bags before serving the champagne tonight. Good plan, Jan, good plan.

- Related Wreckage: Why You Don't Raid Other People's Refrigerators

Above: Micah Snyder

Happy New Year to you all! I wish everyone a wonderful night and a safe and healthy 2010.

Sorry Blog readers, I had some computer issues the last few days, but I seemed to have fixed them this morning. (thanks to Malwarebytes). I will be back to posting normally after the New Year including my favorites from 2009 (Every good blog needs a list!)

Tye

Happy Birthday Jason Dottley!

I was not able to get online yesterday to do my regular posts, but I could not let one of my favorite guys, Jason Dottley's birthday go by without sending out a special shout out! Jason turned 29 yesterday.

Way to "Go," Dad

There are no words....

to explain these words:

My, my. "Daddy" looks rather flushed, doesn't he?

Frankly, I'm not sure which would be more disturbing: a father giving this cake to his daughter, or someone referring to any kind of toilet activity as "daddy love." [gagging] Yeah. Ok, well, if you'll excuse me, I have to go hack up a hairball now.

Solli S., you're #1 in my book. (And #2 in "Daddy's.")

- Related Wreckage: Any Occasion Will Do

American Super (Sized) Heroes

Americans, by and large, are fat. I'm an American, and I'm fat. Together with 64% of my fellow citizens, we're taking over the country, one chocolate-covered bacon maple donut bar at a time. Rather than get all down and out about it, though, I like the bakeries' approach: simply upsize all of our childhood icons to fit the times!

Whoah. Uh, Spidey, listen: I'm all for embracing your body image, but at some point spandex stops being your friend.

"Something seemed fishy about Nemo's new 'power diet.' And where was Bloat the puffer fish, anyway?"

I suppose Cookie Monster has the best excuse for being a bit blobbish:

Still, I'm guessing this was taken during his "Robert Downey Jr of Cookies" years.

Hey, Mickey!

[singing] "Oh, Mickey, what a pity
You don't understand
You're blocking up your heart
when you eat up all that ham!"

And lastly, here's one for us plus-sized princesses:

"Tink noticed it was taking a lot more pixie dust than usual to get off the ground these days. Peter, wisely, said nothing."

Remember, Melissa W., Jen S., Dawn G., Amanda L., & Cindy S., there's an upside to everything: fat people are much harder to kidnap.

- Related Wreckage: Does This Cake Make Me Look Fat?

Spelling Airs

We all know that nearly all cake decorators misspell "congratulations" every day.

(Um, John? I don't think...)

This is obviously because they're either drunk or completely incompetent.

(Okay now, we're totally gonna get in trouble for that...)

Now you might be saying, "I thought all drunk and completely incompetent people were politicians?"

(Well, that's true.)

But you would be wrong!

(I would?)

Which brings us back to cake.

(Oh, good.)

See? Comgratation. Interestingly enough, there are close to 3,000 accepted spellings of "congradulationed" in the decorators' dictionary.

Occasionally, though, they do spell it goodly:

Like so. Of course, sometimes after successfully spelling a word the thrill goes to the baker's head. Thusly we get "Ternifer" - a hybrid creation of "Terrific" and the name of the person who ordered the cake, perhaps?

Here again the decorator got the "hard" word right:

Sure, the number's a bit, well, wrong...but hey, numbers are hard!

Wisites: n. [wi-SET-eez] Small, fuzzy mammals indigenous to Uganda prized for their venom, which is said to cure gout and certain types of restless leg syndrome.

See? No misspellings here!

Well, y'all have a grrr-reat day now. Oh, and decorators? Bottoms up!

Jessica E., Christy C., Dana S., & Jessica, watch out; I hear those wisites spit.

- Related Wreckage: The "Year" of the "Grad"